same sex marriage - time for a rant

so yesterday so some court in Australia overruled the a decision that to my understanding was passed through parliament in the ACT in Australia about 'gay marriage'.

Whilst I don't really have a strong political view on anything, this is a subject that is close to my heart.
it may be a little off topic for the blog, but I am feeling the need to have a rant about this, so here it is.

FOR FUCKS SAKE PEOPLE WHAT IT IS ANY OF ANYBODY ELSE'S BUSINESS WHO I MARRY?
TO THOSE OF YOU WHO OPPOSE GAY MARRIAGE - WHAT RIGHT DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO TELL ME THAT MY LOVE FOR ANOTHER PERSON IS WRONG INDECENT AND ILLEGAL.?
Can you for one moment imagine how you would feel if someone told you that your family unit was wrong, perverse, and that you have no right to be in this relationship that you have chosen to be in.
I imagine you would be just as offended as I am.

Fortunately for me I live in Sweden, with my wife Sofi and our son, as an Australian I find it wonderful to live in a country where people are so accepting and supportive of homosexuality. Here in Stockholm I have never been made to feel less than because I am in love with someone of the same gender, nor because we have chosen to be married, for this and many other reasons my life here in Stockholm is so much better than my life ever was back in Australia.

I want to talk a little about marriage what I think it is and why it is that we chose to get married.
I have had in the past people say to me why would you get married, and then they go ahead and state their reasons why not to get married, and I respect them for their choice.
But as I have gotten older I have watched the institution of marriage grow and change with the times.
my observation is that when my parents were young it was something that you did.
Growing up in middle class white Australia it was definitely something that you did, as a woman you needed a man to look after you.
If you were a man it was your job to find a woman settle down have a family and bring home the bacon.

When I was a teenager all those baby boomer's had their mid life crisis and got divorced.
I am a child of a marriage that made it, my parents are still together today, and I respect them greatly for that.
But marriage is no longer something that you do because that is what you did back then.
To me it is a commitment, it is saying to the other person not just that I love you, but I choose you, through thick and thin I choose you for as long as it lasts.
It is a statement of commitment not a statement of belonging.
I don't own my wife(and of course she doesn't on me), we choose to be together each and every day, and I believe we are both the richer for it.
But there are other reasons for us to marry, here in Sweden the de-facto laws that exist in Australia do not exist here, and so no matter how long we live together because these laws don't exist as partners we have no legal rights to the others estate, as a married couple this situation changes and we have legal rights and obligations to each other.
This make sense to me, and as I said is another reason for us to marry.
Also there is rights and responsibility to children. Within the Swedish system although I did not give birth to our son, I am however considered his parent with out the need for me to adopt him, (this was also a big one for me).

So I think its high time that society in Australia and other countries in the world who choose to hold onto their ideas of marriage should at least consider this.
Marriage is an agreement between two people full stop.
If you chose to make your union under your god then so be it, I firmly believe you have that right. But I also believe that you have no right whatsoever to tell me that I am not eligible for the same rights that you have simply because I like girls.
( I have done some serious searching in my life and I can tell you that the fact that I like girls is not a choice its chemical and biological and if I liked boys as much as I like girls I would probably not be writing this post but that fact of the matter is I really like girls - especially my wife, she's the best one ever!)
Change happens people, it is inevitable. - and marriage has changed, but the big thing is you can choose to make of it what you will.
I am saddened that in my home country this debate continues, and that my rights as a human  are not being acknowledged, that my marriage is not acknowledged and that when I go home I am made to feel less than.

So for now I will stay in forward thinking Sweden and enjoy a life that is respectful of my choices, and hope that soon -very soon, people will come to their senses, realise that love is love and that we all have rights, not just a select few.

J

POO EMERGENCY IN THE KITCHEN!!!

Yesterday we had a poo emergency in the kitchen.
If you had told me 5 years ago that in five years you will have a 2 year old and have to deal with poo emergencies and many other things along the way I probably would have laughed in your face and said something like - you don't know me very well do you?

but here I am, getting woken up at 7 am on my sleep in morning by my wife screaming Joooo we have a poo emergency in the kitchen, I then hear the shower running as I drag myself into the kitchen to see a nappy open with poo spilling over and then poo on the stool (stool on the stool, he he) - floor - and even on the cupboard door.

now just to give you a bit of background, Sofi and I have been ECing squeaky since he was 6 months old.
a short explanation is EC means elimination communication or early potty training.(google it if you're interested in it, as a side note, if you have babies or are going to have babies I can highly recommend the practice, its easier cleaner and well you have less pooey nappies to deal with)
so Squeaky has been pooing on the potty for a good 18 months now, and an emergency like this one isn't so common in our household, but as life goes he's been a bit sick and as a result I think this one may have snuck up on him a little.

and here I am calmly cleaning up poo. looking for the disinfectant - disinfecting everything, and having a little chuckle to my self.
he he - poo emergency.
I am reminded of years ago when my sisters kids were small and her youngest was about the same age as squeaky is now, I was chatting on the phone to my brother in law and he all of a sudden goes
oop gotta go 'little one' just took off her nappy and there's shit all over the house bye!

it puts a great image in your head doesn't it?

one of the crazy things about having kids is that you find you self doing things that for all intents and purposes are not normal, but they are, and you know you have to do them because that's what you do as a parent . I will speak here of the daily poo inspection. I find myself looking at his poo with intent and curiosity.
Seeing what is coming out the other end, looking for abnormalities, is there blood? does he have worms? oh we had kiwi fruit yesterday.
its just weird.
And you don't even think twice about it until you sit down to write a blog about poo and you realise that your whole life now revolves around it, you have entire conversations with your partner and other parents about it.
this is not normal.
why is it that when you have kids suddenly conversations about poo suddenly become an everyday experience?, like saying hi hows it going?,
why don't we just say ,hows your kids poo today?
oh its a bit loose today but I think he ate something dodgy last night, hows yours?

so any way its potty time, gotta go make sure squeaky's poo is looking ok and then that he doesn't empty his potty all over the floor.

J

So are you going to breast feed?

For most mums this is a normal point of discussion, breast feeding, not breast feeding, feeding in public and so on and so forth.

I am all for breast feeding, I think its awesome, and if you can you should do it with your child.

BUT!

This one threw me a bit when I was first asked the question - "are you going to breast feed him?"

What? What do you mean are you going to breast feed him?

Are you serious? Oh my god you are serious.

No, thats not going to happen.

So this is where you can help me out people, why would I want to breast feed?

And just to be clear, I am not the one having the baby.

From a personal perspective the thought of it makes me a bit uncomfortable, I'm not sure why.

I think maybe its because I'm not the one who was pregnant, and so in my mind it stands to reason that the one who was pregnant would be the one who breast feeds.

People say to you but you can take hormones, how wonderful that you can feed.

And you know I understand that breast feeding meant to be this wonderful bonding experience between mother and child, but I guess I always thought that exprience was between the one who gives birth and the child.

Ok so now Im just spinning my self out over my own definitioons of what a mother is and what it means to be "the other mum" and what roles we play in life and as a parent, and why do I have such set difinitons in my own head?

(And so my head begins to rattle.)

But I can tell you this.

I personally have no primal need to breastfeed my kids, and so have no intention of doing it.

I choose to not to, in a world where we can do these things, I choose not to.

What would your choice be?

catching vomit - why do we do these things?

so the other day we went to roller derby, (which I was very excited about, a family outing weeeeeeeeeee...)
on the way there squeaky decided he would have a little vomit.

now before becoming a parent I can tell you unequivocally that I wound not have put my hands out to catch his vomit.

However, now I find that my first instinct is to put my hands up to his mouth and make sure I catch anything that comes out.
Why?!
Why would I do such a thing?
 Seriously, Why do we catch Vomit?
its disgusting, it smells, but for some reason catching it in your hand is so much more important, because is you don't catch that shit is going to go every where, you are going to have a toddler running around covered in vomit, their clothes, and jackets, and as if guilt by association your clothes will also become contaminated with vomit - better to be on you hands than on your clothes - or the car seats.
oh dear god the car seats - travelling with the smell of vomit in the car.
no no.
that's all good Ill just collect it all in my hand at least then its contained.

and even now after running though this in my head I still really don't understand why something that I find so disgusting is now just an automatic reaction.

Oh how my life has changed.

Welcome

So here I am blogging again. ( I have a blog about my fitness adventures, check it out :)

the purpose of this blog is basically to give a voice to some of the experiences I have and am having and will have when is comes to parenting.
It basically started out as an idea for a book - you now to write something for the "other mums" out there, but many things have gotten in the way and I thought that maybe the best way to get my thoughts into place for this book is to start a blog and draw on that for the book later on... we shall see what comes of it.

I was originally going to title the blog - "No, I'm the other mum!", but we felt that it was just a little negative so we changed it.
Being a parent is a strange and fulfilling experience. so far I have experienced every emotion under the sun. Being the "other mum" has some unique experiences attached to it, most of which I find amusing but some of which can be a little hard to deal with at times, so whilst most of what I will write about as a parent will probably be familiar to to most, I hope that I can share my experience in a light and funny way so that we can all laugh through life together.
 I 'll invite you to comment and create discussion so that we can all grow together in understanding.

good to go Jo